Unselfish

Left by the wayside
I cannot apologise
Because I’m too busy fighting
My own tornadoes and storms
That you haven’t even noticed
I don’t check in any more
I absolutely remember you
But when I’m tempted
To reach out
Then I’m afraid
I can’t bring myself
To stretch past my own space
I no longer want to be out there
Can’t put myself beyond my border
This last year
I’ve reinforced it with cinder blocks
Burned in the flames
Of the person I once was
This method of coping in the world
The strongest tool in my belt
Protection against the overwhelm
That is rife across the earth
Like weeds took to the soil
Seeds caught in high winds
Blown to all the continents
Perpetuated by the news, by people
Spreading that which strangles me
I seek the quiet grasslands
To understand this life and my place
To see where my purpose is heading
Find the ace that I’m hoping is for me
That I may emerge from the fire
Struck by lightning, tempered and fortified
Confident in the silent strength I’ve found
Able to tell you I’m here
To handle being your sounding board
But not allowing to be your dumping ground
Sacrificing my own peace and sanity
For that I will become distant again
For that I will protect myself again
For that I might sever these ties
That bind me to your anchor
That brings me down
That could sink me, drown me
If I allow

But I won’t anymore
I can’t absorb your toxins
I need a little love too
Even if I hide it well
I will not abide your desperate need
And forget my own

Debbie Gravett © 2021.03.29

RDP: Ace
FOWC: Method
Image by Bhikku Amitha from Pixabay

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