Today is the day for review, look back and see what I accomplished this last year. My first instinct is to berate myself for not saving the world, becoming a millionaire or even publishing my first book. I need to dig deeper than this to avoid ending depressed.
I’ve always been that person who needs external validation, and because I don’t have an army looking at me in awe telling me what a ‘good girl’ I am, I’m inclined to see this year as a failure. But I won’t. One of the achievements of this year is growth.
Just stop looking me up and down and whispering under your breath that you can see it. I’m not talking about my physical size. Yes, that hasn’t reduced as I would have liked, but that is okay.
The growth I’m talking about is internal. I used to put my worth on the opinions of others. As a writer that should be the case… shouldn’t it? My new answer to that is a resounding NO! I write because I enjoy it and I hope to encourage and motivate people and let them know that they aren’t alone. If someone doesn’t like what I have to say, so be it. I believe my words will find those who find value in them.
I need to love and accept me. I’m not all the way there yet, but I’m much closer than I was in January. It might not mean anything to the ultra-successful guys with an arms-length list of accolades, but this is mine. This is my accomplishment and I can’t ignore it.
I’m not quite flexible enough to give myself a pat on the back, but I’ll visualize it. As for my weight… that isn’t the important thing, but my health is. What I have learned this year is that I am fighting a losing battle trying to eat properly if my inner landscape is full of weeds. I feed by emotions and they are what cause me to wobble. I will continue to prune and adjust the interior. Find out what makes me flourish and the rest will fall into place. I acknowledge I am doing the best that I can and that is enough.
On the tangible list of successes:
• 485 posts on my blog with over 10,000 views
• 12 short stories and 12 poems in the challenge group I belong to. The story word count was 15,000 – not too bad.
• NanoWriMo – just over 50,000 words
• Submissions of poems, flash fiction, short stories and articles to competitions – nothing published yet
• I’ve done 60 days of 100 words for 100 days challenge and am in line to finish on 8 February. It is a challenge one of the writer’s groups I belong to pose to get a daily writing habit in place. A minimum of 100 words written each day for 100 days.
• I kept my home relatively clean for the year – don’t laugh, I HATE cleaning. No, you don’t understand how much.
• I fed my family – hate cooking less than housework.
• I took care of my soul with meditation, and reading and learning about practices to build myself. This is a big one.
• I celebrated my 20th anniversary of marriage – no small feat these days.
For next year I’m going to continue learning, growing, writing and showing myself love.
I would like to thank those that pop over to read my posts and wish you a magical 2020. I encourage you to find your successes. They don’t have to be mount Everest, but when you seek you shall find. Be good to yourself and remember you’re doing your best. That is good enough and so are you.
The best thing I heard today was a fireworks show being replaced with a laser show for tonight. Fireworks are pretty, but not worth the terror it causes in our animals and some of our humans as well.
This is predominantly a poetry blog so it wouldn’t be right to not include some of my ramblings here.
Orange glow of the sun sinks below the end of the earth
Prepare to swiftly kick this outgoing year through the door
Leaving only the delicate footprints of its life lessons
Lungs armed to the brim with fresh invigorating air
Welcome in a stellar new year to shoot through the stars
To flow with the might of the shimmering blue rivers
Cut paths of adventure and magical magnificence
Believing in the validity of these just desserts
And if you should stumble or even fall on your face
Lay back in the waters and float for a while
Considering the message of the Universe
Do not try too hard
Do not fight against what is meant
Do not dig your heels in
For life has a beautiful plan for you
Better than you think
Debbie Gravett © 2019.12.31