Close to Giving Up

Treading the dirty waters
In the mucky pond of life
Not living, not dying
Merely existing
To serve the demanding wills
Of others
Letting their lives flow
Invisible in the pain of non-existence
Ignored in the footnotes of time
Aching,
Breaking,
Drowning,
Turning off,
Shutting down,
Purpose lost,
Dreaming to be inspirational
Imagining meaningful impact
The activator
The magical potion
Turning lives around
Yet a wavering voice
Dispersed by a breeze
May sleep take me and keep me
Anxiety and doubt
My most common companions
Disabling and rendering mute
Once a small ember of possibility
To be a bright beacon
In another’s darkness
Now suffocated and extinguished
By the floods of cold fear
That I can be nothing
No meaning, purpose or importance
That life really is just existence
To continue terrified of living,
Of dying, of everything
Not knowing how to spark
The kindling once more
Never quite getting out
Of this percolating melancholy
Wet from the quagmire of the edges
That I’m still stuck in
Not yet entirely lost to the struggle
Of escaping and being relit
But close

Debbie Gravett © 2019.03.07

FOWC: Percolate
Image by CataleyaLifedesign on Pixabay

7 thoughts on “Close to Giving Up

  1. I tend to read poems as dramatic monologues exploring states of thought and feeling – fictions, I suppose, though if you are writing directly here my thoughts and feelings go out to you for whatever that is worth. The touch of optimism at the end suggests the process has been worthwhile.

    Liked by 1 person

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